Once, in the middle of a final exam, a student waved me over with a question. Pointing to the part of the exam that directed him to use an example from Asia, Africa or Europe, he asked in all earnestness: "Is China considered part of Europe?"
My recollection of that ineffable moment was recently prompted by a friend's account of his own brush with the sublime degree of stupidity that some students can achieve: confronted with an assignment which asked her to compare the propaganda devices used in military recruitment ads past and present, a student brought forth the "Be afraid because paranoia is patriotic" poster. Alas, as my friend relates, she did not realize the poster is satirical in nature, nor as it happens, did she know what 'paranoia' is. In fact, she pointed at the picture and asked him, "Who is this guy?" He pointed to the background and said, "This guy?" She replied, "No, this one," prompting him to state, "That is George W. Bush. The president of the United States of America."
To which she responded, "
Oh, I didn't recognize him in that hat."
No one who has ever spent time teaching is without a story of this kind. However, a recent email forward (thanks, "Grover") of what is advertised as "the best exam answers ever" sparked the realization that these little miracles fall into three distinguishable categories, aside from the above cited mind-boggling displays of ignorance:
#1. the literal-minded interpretation of directions
I'm never sure if these are evidence of sub-moronic status or expressions of cheeky genius. See also:
Why didn't I think of that?
Well, it said "explain"! The exercise of critical judgment implicit in "a rather aesthetically pleasing slope" is really a bonus at this point.
And then there is my personal favourite,
Oh, Peter, you are such a wag! The etc., is a nice touch.
#2. bending the question to your will
Whereas the latter category retains a certain degree of ambiguity (genius? idiocy? genius?) this one manifests equal parts of arrogance and desperation. Three approaches are possible:
(a) stick to what you know:
(b) alter the question slightly, so it addresses what you know to be true:
(c) change the subject completely:
#3. outbursts of creativity in the face of death
Dr. Johnson famously observed that "when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully." The prospect of certain failure seems have a similar effect:
Clearly there is a lesson here: leave the sciences alone and stick the humanities,
where faking it is called "interpretation."
